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The oppression of "ought"
Jan. 5th, 2007 08:39 amI haven't really met my ambitious goals for winter break, and because of that, I'm feeling... better. Here's the logic.
During fall term, I had two classes (issues and the graduate seminar) and 3 units of "research" (reading and writing I would have done anyway), making me a full-time student; I also started planning my first-year project (FYP) and made general progress on various things for work (I work half-time at ORI), though I can't now remember what they were.
For winter term, I'll have two classes (issues and the graduate seminar) and need to keep making progress on the reading and writing, whether or not I take "research" credit for it, and I need to register for that or a class to keep myself at full-time. I will also be the busiest on my FYP (accelerating the review of the literature, designing my measures, and tackling the human subjects process). I'll still be working half-time at ORI, with specific responsibilities: this NIH proposal due 2/8, and two papers I should submit before 3/1. I'll also be working 8 hours a week for GS. Meanwhile, the professor in the philosophy department who I really want to work with is offering a seminar on the relationship between philosophy and psychology, which fits pretty nicely into my schedule. A great opportunity.
But am I excited about that? No... Basically, I've felt overwhelmed. I was stretched so thin in the fall, and winter term will mean more hours of work and more responsibility than fall, even without the class. So during winter break, I hoped to make major headway on the FYP, start my work for GS early, and finish the proposal, reducing my workload for winter term so I could take this class that I really ought to take. I did make progress, and I'm considered ahead of schedule on the proposal, but I still have tons of work to come, and the progress is not enough to make me feel okay about the class.
So why am I stressing about this class? It's not like anyone expects me to take it; it's not like anyone would look at me and say, "she's really slacking off," given all I'm doing in the next two months. Yesterday I realized, "I could just take research credits again!" and, amazingly, I feel better. So much for "ought." My plan now is to visit the first session of the class on Tuesday, and if I feel really excited about it, then I'll take it because I'm eager to take it. But I definitely won't take it if the dominant reason is that I'm imposing an "ought" on myself, and it would be pretty cool to go into this more-work situation with a sense of relief that it's not worse than it is.
Edit 10:56 a.m.Aha! I looked up![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
drenilop's idea on auditing and although I learned that I can't count an audited class towards my 9 credits, I also learned that I'm required to have 9 credits each term this year whether I'm an RA that term or not, as part of my "doctoral residency year." That means that in spring term, when I'm not an RA, I should still do 9 credits (I was planning on just 6).
During fall term, I had two classes (issues and the graduate seminar) and 3 units of "research" (reading and writing I would have done anyway), making me a full-time student; I also started planning my first-year project (FYP) and made general progress on various things for work (I work half-time at ORI), though I can't now remember what they were.
For winter term, I'll have two classes (issues and the graduate seminar) and need to keep making progress on the reading and writing, whether or not I take "research" credit for it, and I need to register for that or a class to keep myself at full-time. I will also be the busiest on my FYP (accelerating the review of the literature, designing my measures, and tackling the human subjects process). I'll still be working half-time at ORI, with specific responsibilities: this NIH proposal due 2/8, and two papers I should submit before 3/1. I'll also be working 8 hours a week for GS. Meanwhile, the professor in the philosophy department who I really want to work with is offering a seminar on the relationship between philosophy and psychology, which fits pretty nicely into my schedule. A great opportunity.
But am I excited about that? No... Basically, I've felt overwhelmed. I was stretched so thin in the fall, and winter term will mean more hours of work and more responsibility than fall, even without the class. So during winter break, I hoped to make major headway on the FYP, start my work for GS early, and finish the proposal, reducing my workload for winter term so I could take this class that I really ought to take. I did make progress, and I'm considered ahead of schedule on the proposal, but I still have tons of work to come, and the progress is not enough to make me feel okay about the class.
So why am I stressing about this class? It's not like anyone expects me to take it; it's not like anyone would look at me and say, "she's really slacking off," given all I'm doing in the next two months. Yesterday I realized, "I could just take research credits again!" and, amazingly, I feel better. So much for "ought." My plan now is to visit the first session of the class on Tuesday, and if I feel really excited about it, then I'll take it because I'm eager to take it. But I definitely won't take it if the dominant reason is that I'm imposing an "ought" on myself, and it would be pretty cool to go into this more-work situation with a sense of relief that it's not worse than it is.
Edit 10:56 a.m.Aha! I looked up
drenilop's idea on auditing and although I learned that I can't count an audited class towards my 9 credits, I also learned that I'm required to have 9 credits each term this year whether I'm an RA that term or not, as part of my "doctoral residency year." That means that in spring term, when I'm not an RA, I should still do 9 credits (I was planning on just 6).