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The mind is a funny thing
Sometimes something bad happens, and you can only guess at the magnitude of how upset you're going to be by how much you're not feeling, by how strong the defense mechanisms are that are keeping you from processing it, from making it real.
I'm lj-cutting so I can glance at my journal without having to read these words. My dad passed away this morning, at 74. I didn't even know he was failing. My step-mother called and talked to R, just after D. and I left for the pool, and I only found out about it when we got back, 40 minutes ago. Although I almost never saw him any more, he's the member of my family with whom I had the warmest bond. I'm glad at least that I'd just talked with him twice, for his June 4 birthday and for Father's Day. (Added: Three times really - on the 23rd after his mom passed away, too. He was telling me that if a person dies mid-month, you have to send back their entire month's social security payment.)
I wanted to be able to give him books with my name on the cover. I did send him the yellowjacket essay, for his birthday, and he read it and told me how much he liked it.
I'm lj-cutting so I can glance at my journal without having to read these words. My dad passed away this morning, at 74. I didn't even know he was failing. My step-mother called and talked to R, just after D. and I left for the pool, and I only found out about it when we got back, 40 minutes ago. Although I almost never saw him any more, he's the member of my family with whom I had the warmest bond. I'm glad at least that I'd just talked with him twice, for his June 4 birthday and for Father's Day. (Added: Three times really - on the 23rd after his mom passed away, too. He was telling me that if a person dies mid-month, you have to send back their entire month's social security payment.)
I wanted to be able to give him books with my name on the cover. I did send him the yellowjacket essay, for his birthday, and he read it and told me how much he liked it.